Monday I attended the Fem2.0 Conference. What an amazing gathering of women (and a few men) who were there to network, build bridges and truly demonstrate what feminism means in 2009. I left so very hopeful that our generation (of women and men) will make our country and our world a much better place. We left the conference with a little homework assignment, to tell the story of when you felt the call to activism. When you realized that you just had to say something, that you couldn't be quiet anymore. When you felt that justice needed to be served in some way that just could not be ignored.
As I thought about it, for me it was the first time I truly felt outrage personally. Don't get me wrong, I had been saddened, moved, and depressed about many other issues before this turning point into activism, but it was truly when it was personal injustice that sent me over the edge.
I was raised to be content and complacent. My parents had been members of the ACLU until my father began to work for something of a government agency and enacted a family philosophy of "non-partisanship". My parents registered for political parties to vote in primaries but besides that, no petition-signing, no grassroots anything. "We give to the United Way (and stay out of it)" was their philosophy at this time in their lives. No matter that Mom had walked in Civil Rights marches back in high school and that Dad used to be an academic and most likely surrounded by political discussion a ton when he was younger. They were in a different stage in their lives by the time I surprised them and I did not grow up in a household that felt "outrage" or a call to activism.
When I saw some of the panelists speak Monday, I realized that growing up with outrage must really help a person become an activist at a younger age. I'm not an old lady, but I do think it is interesting that I, and many others, did not feel the call to activism until I became a mother. We discussed that it is a very "politicizing event" at the panel "Breaking the 'Waves': Moms Coming Together for Equality" for many women and yet how to get women who do not have children to understand how this happens? There are so many reasons motherhood empowers women but not all reasons apply to all mothers.
The act of birthing my first child was the turning point for me. It was not worrying about the world I was birthing my child into, although that has certainly come into my sphere since then. It was childbirth. Something that I see many women view as a burden and perhaps one of the most awful experiences of their lives. Well, it was not for me. And here is the story.
Before I found out I was pregnant I had been to each of my sister's three births. Her birth experiences varied and by her third, she had been coached by a friend (from Holland no less) to try to go drug-free. I would never forget her words to me after the dust had settled, "Cynthia, I healed so much faster without all of the drugs, try to not do the drugs..." and so it was. I approached my first pregnancy, at the young (for my circle of friends) age of 26, with the expectation of avoiding as many interventions as possible. The more books I read, and especially Active Birth, Birthing from Within, and Husband-Coached Childbirth, I gained the confidence to approach birth in this way.
Meanwhile I couldn't talk about my approach with anybody. I loved my coworkers dearly, but they all gave me the "honey, the epidural is wonderful" talk and when I hinted at trying to avoid it they smiled and made me feel like I would be eating those words. They finally left me alone and tried to support me, but it was in a way that was filled with doubt and general misinformation about women and our biology. Stories about too-small-pelvises and too-big-babies were constantly the in the air outside of work. When I told my family that hospitals had squatting bars to help women use gravity to get their babies out, your pelvis can expand when you aren't on your back, and so on....men laughed and made jokes about women doing gymnastics during labor. The women were, in my memory, very silent, perhaps smiling along and just letting the "boys be boys." But I felt unsupported. I felt belittled. I felt like nobody believed in me, except my husband, who was amazingly non-chalant about the whole thing. His confidence worried me in a different way--he was so confident that women were designed to have babies that he didn't understand my addiction to birthing books. Well...he wasn't going to push this baby out. It was me. And in many ways I felt very alone with the whole thing.
The day came. And I was a week late. My care providers had given me some deadline before they wanted to induce me and *thank goodness* I went into labor exactly 1 week late. (Baby number 2 would really show the medical community the rebel in me--he went over 2 weeks late and was perfectly fine--and the smallest of my three babies.) The labor was extremely straightforward. My water broke around 2 a.m. and contractions started within the hour. We went to the hospital when I really felt like I was ready to go and sure enough, we arrived and I was progressing nicely.
Things slowed down slightly when I went throughout the whole hospital triage experience...to make sure I was in labor. Hi. I am 41 weeks pregnant, I told you the waters broke at home (and my husband could vouch for that) and now am having contractions on top of each other. Let me have this baby. But no, I must lie down and have the monitors strapped on for at least 20 minutes. I complained, "I know you have hand-held dopplers!" Well, we just need to do this and then you can get up. But then I had to go to the bathroom. Quite graphically and specifically, I HAD to poop. There was no "excuse me, can you please remove these things and let me get a robe on..." no. I had to go and the nurse said "but you can't, not right now, wait! I have to get the doctor!" and off she ran. I said to my husband "Kevin, get me a trash can!" and I emptied my bowels right next to the bed. The nurse and doctor came in and, now I know, they were really worried I was pushing out the baby without the expert there to catch.
Finally convinced I was in labor, we moved to a labor and delivery room and I complained again about monitors. One nurse was very frustrated with me but slowly the staff realized that I was going to challenge their norms and not cave. Before too long, a new nurse, who turned out to be a certified nurse midwive on duty teaching the RNs more about the midwives' model of care, came into the room. I said "FINALLY someone who understands what I'm going for" and my mother cried and thinks Nurse Lisa was an angel from heaven. To this day I wonder how things may have gone if she wasn't working that day. She was experienced with different labor positions and we had to use many of them because they realized baby was acynclitic so I needed to be flipped from side to side to get baby into a more optimal presentation. I pushed for 2 hours and it was hard. HARD hard. My husband was always right there with me and so supportive. My mother and sister stood back a bit but were supportive, in their own way.
When baby came out I felt such relief. Not only relief, I felt fantastic. I wanted to tell the world that I did it and that every woman should feel as great as I felt in that moment. I had done it. I had birthed a baby without medication. I had only a tiny tear that needed only "one stitch" if it even needed it at all. And Marcus was 9 lbs 15.7 oz. Only after baby #3 who was also 10 lbs did I feel like I could even say that number. 10 pound babies. My body makes 10 lb babies. Still somewhat shocking to read. I was an 8.5 lb baby and my husband is not massive. There was no predicting that.
And one of the first thing people asked right after that was "if you knew he was that big, do you think you would have tried to go natural?" and that is what really fueled the fire in my belly. Not only was I on a birth high that left me talking a mile a minute for days (and now years) about the power of women's bodies, but I was asked to question my approach again? AGAIN? After such success? What is WRONG with people? What is wrong with our society? Why should I even wonder how else I would have approached the birth when I had just proved was that my body could birth a 10 lb baby the first time around? If anything, this proves that women should never know, or even think they know what size their babies may be!
The more I read about childbirth in America (such as Birth as an American Rite of Passage, Our Babies, Ourselves, and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth), the more I became outraged how few women ever get to feel the way I do after a birth. So many never even get the chance. The worst thing is, they don't even have the kind of care that supports a birth that will make them feel this kind of empowerment. Birthing my first child changed my life and my perspective on the world. Not only did I become a parent, but I gained the confidence to question every social norm that comes my way. I feel like I have the intelligence and the tools to do so. Sometimes I see women who are 10 years older than I am still in a place that I was when I was 25. Is this kind of thinking something akin to "wisdom"? Because I didn't plan to have any wisdom until I was much older. I am so frustrated to see young women look towards childbearing with fearful eyes. I have head older women say they want to avoid the entire birth experience altogether, if they have to have a baby, they would prefer the elective cesarean to keep it under control.
It is this control that makes me want to tell the world that childbearing is one of the most important feminist issues in America today. Our women have been told that staying in control is of utmost importance. But in staying "in control" we are actually not encouraged to feel outrage. If we stay in control, then that means we are fitting very nicely into society as it is today. We are so busy with work and family that keeping it together is truly essential to our existence. But if every women could feel truly empowered once in her life...if every woman got a chance to follow her instincts and prove the naysayers wrong, well, what could women achieve? What could their sons and daughters achieve when they hear of her transformation?
To be very clear, I believe childbirth can be empowering no matter how the birth turns out. The key is having the mother be a partner in her care and not simply a patient. I am not anti-doctor or anti-cesarean. Women and babies are saved every day by modern American medicine.
The women for which I advocate are the women who do not know they can ask for better in a hospital setting. A woman who may be told to lie on her back and agree to the hospital staff's norms of monitoring her and her baby. The woman who feels so much pain from staying on her back that she must have an epidural to help her stay there. The woman who now cannot feel her contractions or move around to help her baby move down...who is then told the baby has "failed to progress" or that the baby's head is too big (cephalopelvic disproportion) and that she must have a surgical birth. When that woman's baby is born he could be be ten pounds and the operating room will breathe a collective sigh, "well no wonder, your baby was 10 pounds!" The woman will be happy her baby is healthy but she will also have to recover from surgery which will not be the most pleasant introduction to motherhood.
All women remember the births of their children for a lifetime. Many contemplate how the birth progressed and why things happened the way they did. I can very easily imagine how my birth could have gone differently--I have heard and read of countless stories that read as the above paragraph. But it did not happen to me. I found my voice during the birth of my baby. I am not alone in this outrage and I will no longer feel like I cannot discuss my approach with people in my community. I am proof (times three) that my way can work. It may not work for all women, but women deserve the information to approach birth in a confident, empowered way. The outrage I felt at being so doubted has led me beyond birth activism, but that was the beginning for me. My priorities have shifted and I am so grateful that I am the person I am now. I can make a difference and I do, one woman at a time.
Showing posts with label feminism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feminism. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Friday, December 26, 2008
Newton's Laws of Feminism
Inertia. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. This post will likely make a lot of sense to you or no sense at all. If you think I am mouthing off, maybe I am. All in an effort to get some discussion going. I have sat on this post for awhile and am now in the mood to get it out of my brain space before the New Year.
Newton Law #1: A feminist is a feminist until an outside force acts upon her.
When did you become a feminist, when did you find yourself no longer a feminist and when did you personally redefine the word "feminist." I figured all women in my generation were feminists until recently. I started asking women older and younger than I if they thought of themselves as feminists and I have been really surprised how few women say "of course I am a feminist!" What are the forces acting on women that keep them from identifying with that word?
Some observations:
The feminist in an academic environment stays a feminist. She is surrounded by people who are constantly talking about sex and gender, questioning what wave we are all on. She is used to articulating what feminism means both to herself and others around her. She has community who cares.
A feminist who leaves school for non-academic work considers herself a feminist for a little while but then really defines herself more as a "worker". She begins to see her issues as worker issues, not always feminist issues. She leaves behind some of her worries about how the non-academic world might be since now she is living it.
One observation from this group of workers: When I have asked "worker" women this question, many worker women do not like the word "feminist." Often they say "well, I don't think I am a feminist because I think women can decide to stay home and shouldn't feel judged for that." WHOA! OK, it is true they are talking to me but...hmm. Very interesting. I have also been shocked at the replies of worker women to my suggestions of changing the system. Not usually a whole lot of interest. Doesn't sound very "old school" feminist to me. Some say worker women are feminists simply by working. If these women are not constantly questioning or challenging societal norms, that doesn't seem very feminist to me.
Enter an even greater force than leaving academia. It makes the academic and worker feminists in motion rest, some only for a few weeks, but it causes introspection for a lifetime.
Let me call the result of this force, "Feminism in the Childbearing Years". Motherhood both creates and ruins feminists. This force causes women to question everything everything her mother, sisters, friends and mentors ever told her about what it means to be a fulfilled woman. For every mother, finding her balance to happiness becomes so unique that she struggles to find a mentor, let alone a heroine. This force is so hard to describe that it has actually made factions within feminist groups.
As I contemplate the forces that act upon feminism--education, working, motherhood, surely there are more forces that energize or deflate the feminist within all of us. And more important than finding all these forces is finding the place where they can all coexist. Why is this so hard?
I get to plead naivete. I have very little feminist history under my belt. I like it that way. I was born in 1977. My world is feminist. And it is not. I choose to use the word "feminist" because I am immersed in women's issues right now. I occupy a world where I often discuss the woman's choice of WHERE to birth her baby, not IF she wants to birth the baby. Another important choice is to breastfeed in a bottle-feeding society. Do Reproductive-Rights-Oriented feminists make me feel like they want to hear about these issues? Not always.
Why do so many of my activist sisters feel left behind when we describe a modern feminism? I think we are some of the most active feminists in the country. I would like more recognition and more air time. From all media, but especially feminist media. They may not understand the force that is motherhood and how it affects women, but perhaps they can provide the space on their blogs for the discussion. Here is the last "midwifery" link on Feministing and I somewhat happily found this on BitchPhD. But I want more, I want variety and I want often. I would like some of these feminists to question their systems a little bit more. If you don't like your situation, change it. I am tired of people not being part of the solution.
Enter another force I see acting on feminists: group emotion. My husband does not like conferences, at least not that much. But oh do I get excited for a get-together with other women who think like I do. But...what fires me up does not fire up the worker feminist or the academic feminist. In fact, what fires up the academic feminists on BitchPhD is somewhat offensive to me. I know that I am not alone. By a some kind of reflexive property of offensiveness, I would guess "my" feminism must be offensive to them too. They will likely not want to discuss it. For instance, we all vilify Larry Summers, don't we? NO! I don't anyway! So I am not in the club? And honestly, I do not think congratulating yourself for keeping your children out of daycare merits self-loathing. What message are you sending me again? Do Caregivers Count? I really am such a babe in the woods still. All I see are the numerous women's issues we agree on and I think we could do so much for our country if we could meet each other half-way on those we do not.
I may be young but I can be loud too. Thirty may be the new twenty but maybe it is the right age for me to speak up. Maybe I can call myself a feminist and mean it. We all can. Be a feminist, you already are in my book, just tell your version of it. I am really tired getting the vibe that women who focus on feminist issues of mothers are not "real" feminists. NOW thinks they are but do not give them center stage. Well, maybe it is because I was a dancer but I am ready for the stage. Give us the stage! Where is my leader? I have some nominations ready to go: Deren Bader, Therese Hak-Kuhn, Peggy O'Mara, Brynne Potter, Sheryl Rivett ....can we please give these women the floor? They are amazing leaders--it isn't a generation issue, it is an opportunity issue.
Newton's Second Law of Feminism: the force of feminism should be equal to all women, including mothers (yes, even those including those that take mothering practices such as birth and breastfeeding very seriously), multiplied by the injustices each of them have seen along the way.
Can this force please start making itself known? Here are two conferences where I think it will show itself: BlogHer and Fem2.0. I would love to go to both of them. I have even registered for Fem2.0. However, I am also a mom of three children ages 5 and under and so I am realistic that I may not be able to attend. No matter what, I am excited about 2009 and many feminist years to come--no matter what forces may act upon me.
Newton Law #1: A feminist is a feminist until an outside force acts upon her.
When did you become a feminist, when did you find yourself no longer a feminist and when did you personally redefine the word "feminist." I figured all women in my generation were feminists until recently. I started asking women older and younger than I if they thought of themselves as feminists and I have been really surprised how few women say "of course I am a feminist!" What are the forces acting on women that keep them from identifying with that word?
Some observations:
The feminist in an academic environment stays a feminist. She is surrounded by people who are constantly talking about sex and gender, questioning what wave we are all on. She is used to articulating what feminism means both to herself and others around her. She has community who cares.
A feminist who leaves school for non-academic work considers herself a feminist for a little while but then really defines herself more as a "worker". She begins to see her issues as worker issues, not always feminist issues. She leaves behind some of her worries about how the non-academic world might be since now she is living it.
One observation from this group of workers: When I have asked "worker" women this question, many worker women do not like the word "feminist." Often they say "well, I don't think I am a feminist because I think women can decide to stay home and shouldn't feel judged for that." WHOA! OK, it is true they are talking to me but...hmm. Very interesting. I have also been shocked at the replies of worker women to my suggestions of changing the system. Not usually a whole lot of interest. Doesn't sound very "old school" feminist to me. Some say worker women are feminists simply by working. If these women are not constantly questioning or challenging societal norms, that doesn't seem very feminist to me.
Enter an even greater force than leaving academia. It makes the academic and worker feminists in motion rest, some only for a few weeks, but it causes introspection for a lifetime.
Let me call the result of this force, "Feminism in the Childbearing Years". Motherhood both creates and ruins feminists. This force causes women to question everything everything her mother, sisters, friends and mentors ever told her about what it means to be a fulfilled woman. For every mother, finding her balance to happiness becomes so unique that she struggles to find a mentor, let alone a heroine. This force is so hard to describe that it has actually made factions within feminist groups.
As I contemplate the forces that act upon feminism--education, working, motherhood, surely there are more forces that energize or deflate the feminist within all of us. And more important than finding all these forces is finding the place where they can all coexist. Why is this so hard?
I get to plead naivete. I have very little feminist history under my belt. I like it that way. I was born in 1977. My world is feminist. And it is not. I choose to use the word "feminist" because I am immersed in women's issues right now. I occupy a world where I often discuss the woman's choice of WHERE to birth her baby, not IF she wants to birth the baby. Another important choice is to breastfeed in a bottle-feeding society. Do Reproductive-Rights-Oriented feminists make me feel like they want to hear about these issues? Not always.
Why do so many of my activist sisters feel left behind when we describe a modern feminism? I think we are some of the most active feminists in the country. I would like more recognition and more air time. From all media, but especially feminist media. They may not understand the force that is motherhood and how it affects women, but perhaps they can provide the space on their blogs for the discussion. Here is the last "midwifery" link on Feministing and I somewhat happily found this on BitchPhD. But I want more, I want variety and I want often. I would like some of these feminists to question their systems a little bit more. If you don't like your situation, change it. I am tired of people not being part of the solution.
Enter another force I see acting on feminists: group emotion. My husband does not like conferences, at least not that much. But oh do I get excited for a get-together with other women who think like I do. But...what fires me up does not fire up the worker feminist or the academic feminist. In fact, what fires up the academic feminists on BitchPhD is somewhat offensive to me. I know that I am not alone. By a some kind of reflexive property of offensiveness, I would guess "my" feminism must be offensive to them too. They will likely not want to discuss it. For instance, we all vilify Larry Summers, don't we? NO! I don't anyway! So I am not in the club? And honestly, I do not think congratulating yourself for keeping your children out of daycare merits self-loathing. What message are you sending me again? Do Caregivers Count? I really am such a babe in the woods still. All I see are the numerous women's issues we agree on and I think we could do so much for our country if we could meet each other half-way on those we do not.
I may be young but I can be loud too. Thirty may be the new twenty but maybe it is the right age for me to speak up. Maybe I can call myself a feminist and mean it. We all can. Be a feminist, you already are in my book, just tell your version of it. I am really tired getting the vibe that women who focus on feminist issues of mothers are not "real" feminists. NOW thinks they are but do not give them center stage. Well, maybe it is because I was a dancer but I am ready for the stage. Give us the stage! Where is my leader? I have some nominations ready to go: Deren Bader, Therese Hak-Kuhn, Peggy O'Mara, Brynne Potter, Sheryl Rivett ....can we please give these women the floor? They are amazing leaders--it isn't a generation issue, it is an opportunity issue.
Newton's Second Law of Feminism: the force of feminism should be equal to all women, including mothers (yes, even those including those that take mothering practices such as birth and breastfeeding very seriously), multiplied by the injustices each of them have seen along the way.
Can this force please start making itself known? Here are two conferences where I think it will show itself: BlogHer and Fem2.0. I would love to go to both of them. I have even registered for Fem2.0. However, I am also a mom of three children ages 5 and under and so I am realistic that I may not be able to attend. No matter what, I am excited about 2009 and many feminist years to come--no matter what forces may act upon me.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Blowing Bubbles in the Cold
"It is a great day to go outside and blow bubbles!" my son happily announced one very typical almost-winter day here in Charlottesville. Yes, it was cold, rainy and all my friends posted to their Facebook pages how they planned to stay inside and read under the covers. My knee jerk reaction to his suggestion was pretty predictable, "bubbles? It's raining, it's cold..." and so on. But after I allowed myself those first few replies I then asked, "why do you think it is a good day for bubbles?" It was in true interest of what makes my little guy tick that I asked but I hoped it wouldn't make any sense at all.
Another example of bubble blowing happened to me about two years ago. I complained to a friend how much I hated matching socks. I can handle the laundry chore fine but oh the socks. My husband uses two pairs a day, minimum, and the white socks just mock me when I see them in the hamper. My friend quickly replied, "socks? That is my favorite! I just open up the drawer, dump them in, and move on!" I was dumbfounded. Not match socks? My mother not only matched socks but matched similarly-stained socks. I was wrestling with looking at relative styles at this point--already bringing shame to the family name. Well, my husband can affirm that one discussion has changed my life. I had never even considered just letting the socks float around in a drawer. And yes, I do still match the easy socks, the patterns and the boys' easy-to-match Hanes-stripe socks. But adult white male socks now get the stack-and-go approach.
An environment that was cold is now warm. Wow. There is something to thinking like this. Maybe it starts like this: You think of that thing that you don't love and wonder "what if this was my favorite thing, why would that be?" and maybe you find just the approach to change your focus. Sometimes it is really hard to wrestle your mind from all those cultural norms.
This got me thinking about all the things I now think are cultural norms only because I have a bubble of friends who have similar parenting styles as my husband and I do. I started laughing to myself how there are plenty of norms in my household that only 6 years ago I would have thought were completely fringe. They still are--just not to me. I started seeing my lifestyle as one big yard full of bubbles twinkling in a cold, wet environment. Here is a quick list of norms I have in my head that I easily forget many people do not have:
I also recall how I cracked up a friend when I asked what exactly her smelly spray did for her kitchen table. She was pretty stunned at the question. I admit, I come from a spray-free culture but had never felt comfortable admitting it until then. I was feeling particularly brave and safe that day. I told her I usually go the water and washcloth route. We laughed about it, shared perspectives and...she is still one of my closest friends! Hallelujah! Why can't people ask each other questions like "why do you do this?" more often? I wish somebody asked me why I was matching socks many years ago. I would have realized there is more than one way to go about even the most simple rituals in our day. Is it possible to start evaluating everything we do and decide if the norm even makes sense anymore? I am trying to, especially the things I do not like to do.
Thinking all of this made me so proud to be a member of La Leche League. Here is one organization that knows how to blow bubbles in a cold environment. For instance, we often discuss the benefits of breastfeeding in our meetings. Simply by sharing a personal favorite, you give women extra support to put in their arsenal for doubters' questions. As the holidays creep closer, there will be plenty of people questioning new moms' practices in their families. Now here is a time when people feel very comfortable questioning and even challenging a personal/family norm. I want to stay optimistic and say just maybe these people truly want to understand "why breastfeed?" and do not know how to ask this question. Maybe they feel left out of the culture and judged. It is hard to let yourself be perceived as ignorant. But for some women learning that they are "allowed" more calories a day nursing than pregnant is exciting news, for others the ease of feeding your baby in the night is a huge perk. Health benefits for mother and baby are great pieces of knowledge to share and the list is practically endless. We can compare how the word "ease" is often equated in our society with warming bottles and sterilizing bottle nipples instead of simply holding your baby to your breast with no cleaning necessary.
I am quite excited to hear about ways others have found how to flip cold environments into warm ones and what other new norms you thought were for "crazy people" only a few years back. I think people often don't ask the question "why do you think the way you do?" and just keep their mind mainstream. It is a comfortable place to be. But the more we get used to standing out and illustrating why other points-of-view make sense to the mainstream culture, the closer we are to blending our personal norms into those of society. I'm sure the neighbors thought I was nuts blowing bubbles that chilly day but I think I brought a smile to their faces at the same time. They had to have seen those bubbles too, you couldn't miss them.
"When you blow bubbles on rainy days they stick to the ground and don't pop." Marcus, age 5Hmmm. He was so right. Off we went. The bubbles looked great sparkling all over the lawn and the little guys had a blast stomping them. I got thinking about how grateful I am that he thinks unique thoughts like this. I am only regaining this ability. My five-year old sees many situations in ways most of us do not...and he doesn't even know it. I got thinking about how this mentality does relate to much of the activism I do lately. I try to look at a "cold environment" and try to blow bubbles in it anyway. I started vowing to myself I would not preach to my children from the default pulpit until after I hear their innovative approaches to situations. I shudder to think I almost didn't ask him his thoughts that day. I hope he always finds an audience for his unique perspective. Part of activism is finding the people that want to listen. Part of activism is also creating the audience.
Another example of bubble blowing happened to me about two years ago. I complained to a friend how much I hated matching socks. I can handle the laundry chore fine but oh the socks. My husband uses two pairs a day, minimum, and the white socks just mock me when I see them in the hamper. My friend quickly replied, "socks? That is my favorite! I just open up the drawer, dump them in, and move on!" I was dumbfounded. Not match socks? My mother not only matched socks but matched similarly-stained socks. I was wrestling with looking at relative styles at this point--already bringing shame to the family name. Well, my husband can affirm that one discussion has changed my life. I had never even considered just letting the socks float around in a drawer. And yes, I do still match the easy socks, the patterns and the boys' easy-to-match Hanes-stripe socks. But adult white male socks now get the stack-and-go approach.
An environment that was cold is now warm. Wow. There is something to thinking like this. Maybe it starts like this: You think of that thing that you don't love and wonder "what if this was my favorite thing, why would that be?" and maybe you find just the approach to change your focus. Sometimes it is really hard to wrestle your mind from all those cultural norms.
This got me thinking about all the things I now think are cultural norms only because I have a bubble of friends who have similar parenting styles as my husband and I do. I started laughing to myself how there are plenty of norms in my household that only 6 years ago I would have thought were completely fringe. They still are--just not to me. I started seeing my lifestyle as one big yard full of bubbles twinkling in a cold, wet environment. Here is a quick list of norms I have in my head that I easily forget many people do not have:
And so on. Realizing my norms that were not my norms ten years ago is my new game. Keeps me grinning.
- Cribs? Oh yeah, those. Toddler beds? Bed frames for children at all?
- Quinoa? Most adults don't know about this awesome food? Gosh. That was me. (and p.s. Blogger's spellcheck doesn't even recognize "quinoa" as a word!)
- Breastfeeding a toddler is "out there"? oh yeah, I remember thinking that.
- Bribing you children with dessert, $1 toys at Target, video games? ate my words there.
- Cloth diapers with PINS? I totally forget that image is out there.
- Taking your baby to work is a radical idea? "Radical?" I am...I am...wow, I am proud to say that I don't see it as radical at all!
I also recall how I cracked up a friend when I asked what exactly her smelly spray did for her kitchen table. She was pretty stunned at the question. I admit, I come from a spray-free culture but had never felt comfortable admitting it until then. I was feeling particularly brave and safe that day. I told her I usually go the water and washcloth route. We laughed about it, shared perspectives and...she is still one of my closest friends! Hallelujah! Why can't people ask each other questions like "why do you do this?" more often? I wish somebody asked me why I was matching socks many years ago. I would have realized there is more than one way to go about even the most simple rituals in our day. Is it possible to start evaluating everything we do and decide if the norm even makes sense anymore? I am trying to, especially the things I do not like to do.
Thinking all of this made me so proud to be a member of La Leche League. Here is one organization that knows how to blow bubbles in a cold environment. For instance, we often discuss the benefits of breastfeeding in our meetings. Simply by sharing a personal favorite, you give women extra support to put in their arsenal for doubters' questions. As the holidays creep closer, there will be plenty of people questioning new moms' practices in their families. Now here is a time when people feel very comfortable questioning and even challenging a personal/family norm. I want to stay optimistic and say just maybe these people truly want to understand "why breastfeed?" and do not know how to ask this question. Maybe they feel left out of the culture and judged. It is hard to let yourself be perceived as ignorant. But for some women learning that they are "allowed" more calories a day nursing than pregnant is exciting news, for others the ease of feeding your baby in the night is a huge perk. Health benefits for mother and baby are great pieces of knowledge to share and the list is practically endless. We can compare how the word "ease" is often equated in our society with warming bottles and sterilizing bottle nipples instead of simply holding your baby to your breast with no cleaning necessary.
I am quite excited to hear about ways others have found how to flip cold environments into warm ones and what other new norms you thought were for "crazy people" only a few years back. I think people often don't ask the question "why do you think the way you do?" and just keep their mind mainstream. It is a comfortable place to be. But the more we get used to standing out and illustrating why other points-of-view make sense to the mainstream culture, the closer we are to blending our personal norms into those of society. I'm sure the neighbors thought I was nuts blowing bubbles that chilly day but I think I brought a smile to their faces at the same time. They had to have seen those bubbles too, you couldn't miss them.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Industry Journals
Guess what I did today...yes, I am very excited about it.
I introduced both Mothering and Brain, Child magazines to a classroom of 17 University of Virginia undergraduates. I used these magazines as visuals for a paper I presented on what I feel it means to be a feminist today. In this paper, I tried to synthesize various feminist voices such as Gloria Steinem, Linda Hirshman, F. Carolyn Graglia and Sandra Tsing Loh into one Third Wave SAHM voice. My professor liked my paper but...he wasn't so sure about my idea of taking your baby to work, at least at first. I gave a passionate mini-speech about how the critics, once upon a time, thought women would never become doctors in great numbers. The medical field was too hierarchical and male and it was just...just...just...no, it just won't happen. But now women outnumber men in medical schools and many patients prefer a female doctor. Lest my professor and classmates think I was a crazy loner with a loud voice about activist mothers, I held up these two magazines and called them "journals for my industry."
The Mothering issue was the 2005 "Bring Your Baby To Work" issue and the Brain, Child was a 2005 "Mothers' Revolution" issue. Most women in the class saw the Mothering and spent a few minutes looking at many pages within. The Brain, Child got stuck half-way around the room but I presented both magazines clearly enough that hopefully they will stick for future reference. The idea of introducing alternative periodicals (than those at your average grocery store check-out) to women before children or even marriage are on their radars really pumped me up. Then I got thinking....
What other "journals" should we be reading and sharing with women 10 years younger than we are? What magazine do you feel represents your industry? What magazines really address women's issues after the childbearing years? If you have ideas, please let me know (comment, please!).
For breastfeeding specific reading I recommend New Beginnings, the bimonthly La Leche League member publication. For girls ages 8-12, I recommend New Moon. My niece has liked it so much that I have renewed it for a third year.
I also encourage other bold women to find ways to show our industry journals to women who should know they exist. How can we do this? One idea is to find women's groups like UVA's FIFE or NeW and get these young women thinking a few years ahead. Another idea is to donate/gift subscriptions to professors you think could use them in their course material. The topics certainly fit under sociology, women/gender studies and policy umbrellas. Of course, you can also take an undergraduate class and be an older, wiser Third Wave voice that your classmates do not even recognize as their own until the semester is practically over. Other ideas? Please comment with other fun and stealthy ways to leave Mothering magazines near impressionable minds!
I told my professor to hang on to those two magazines for as long as he would like. In the meantime I will dream of young women stumbling upon our industry journals when they least expect it.
I introduced both Mothering and Brain, Child magazines to a classroom of 17 University of Virginia undergraduates. I used these magazines as visuals for a paper I presented on what I feel it means to be a feminist today. In this paper, I tried to synthesize various feminist voices such as Gloria Steinem, Linda Hirshman, F. Carolyn Graglia and Sandra Tsing Loh into one Third Wave SAHM voice. My professor liked my paper but...he wasn't so sure about my idea of taking your baby to work, at least at first. I gave a passionate mini-speech about how the critics, once upon a time, thought women would never become doctors in great numbers. The medical field was too hierarchical and male and it was just...just...just...no, it just won't happen. But now women outnumber men in medical schools and many patients prefer a female doctor. Lest my professor and classmates think I was a crazy loner with a loud voice about activist mothers, I held up these two magazines and called them "journals for my industry."
The Mothering issue was the 2005 "Bring Your Baby To Work" issue and the Brain, Child was a 2005 "Mothers' Revolution" issue. Most women in the class saw the Mothering and spent a few minutes looking at many pages within. The Brain, Child got stuck half-way around the room but I presented both magazines clearly enough that hopefully they will stick for future reference. The idea of introducing alternative periodicals (than those at your average grocery store check-out) to women before children or even marriage are on their radars really pumped me up. Then I got thinking....
What other "journals" should we be reading and sharing with women 10 years younger than we are? What magazine do you feel represents your industry? What magazines really address women's issues after the childbearing years? If you have ideas, please let me know (comment, please!).
For breastfeeding specific reading I recommend New Beginnings, the bimonthly La Leche League member publication. For girls ages 8-12, I recommend New Moon. My niece has liked it so much that I have renewed it for a third year.
I also encourage other bold women to find ways to show our industry journals to women who should know they exist. How can we do this? One idea is to find women's groups like UVA's FIFE or NeW and get these young women thinking a few years ahead. Another idea is to donate/gift subscriptions to professors you think could use them in their course material. The topics certainly fit under sociology, women/gender studies and policy umbrellas. Of course, you can also take an undergraduate class and be an older, wiser Third Wave voice that your classmates do not even recognize as their own until the semester is practically over. Other ideas? Please comment with other fun and stealthy ways to leave Mothering magazines near impressionable minds!
I told my professor to hang on to those two magazines for as long as he would like. In the meantime I will dream of young women stumbling upon our industry journals when they least expect it.
Friday, November 28, 2008
In Gratitude of Storytellers
I just finished reading The Vagina Monologues (The V-Day Edition), by Eve Ensler. I am both embarrassed and proud.
I am embarrassed to say that I am 31 years old, college-educated, a wife and mother but had not read (or seen) this play until this holiday weekend. I lived in New York City when the play gained momentum but did not see it live. I am ashamed that I let some part of my brain wonder if I could handle the contents of this play and questioned if it even applied to me. I am disappointed that I didn't know how to respond to adults in academic circles who told me they thought the play was offensive. I had chances to influence people but I missed them. I am embarrassed, but only a little because...
I am proud to say that I am 31 years old and I have just read The Vagina Monologues. I can speak with confidence about the material for many years to many people of all ages. I want to reach out and talk to the people who fear this play and "resist" the activity surrounding this play every Valentine's Day. I am so relieved that the other part of my brain--that bigger, stronger, curious part that made me bold enough to check it out of the library--is satisfied. I am proud I made it a priority to sit and read this book, especially with family bustling around to witness my reading it, before and after our Thanksgiving feast. I am proud that I joined the V-Day list to know about events in 2009. I am excited to become a part of the community.
And then there is my confusion. How did this happen to me? I am worldly-enough. I am a progressive, grassroots kind of girl. I am a birth activist and did not know there is a monologue about birth. How did I not get swept into this movement before today? It is true, the material is slightly off-topic to the issues I spend most of my time supporting: informed childbirth, breastfeeding, alternative education. I wonder if it was assumed I knew the contents of this play, as if it were a basic prerequisite to my interest in women's health and motherhood. It is like I skipped "Modern Feminism 101" and dove right into the 300-level subject matter. And it is from this perspective that I return to embarrassment.
Why embarrassment again? Women and men in the middle of 300-level "life" subject matter can talk to each other. Women who breastfeed their babies have friends who formula feed their babies. Hospital-birthers can hang out with homebirthers and they can get over their differences. Teachers and parents of children in various school settings can get along, possibly even share a bottle of wine and learn from each others' choices. They may not be soulmates, but they can enjoy each others' company. They seem to understand the word "preferences." They understand that they agree on most things while disagreeing on only a few things. So I am embarrassed that we have not talked about bridge building more when it comes to things like The Vagina Monologues. Why is it that when we see a source of public confusion, do the bridge builders not come out of hiding for a few days to do some healing? Are there really too few of us? I refuse to believe that.
One thing I feel is commonly agreed upon is this:
Yes, you will find empowerment language and very sexual themes. It is true, taking the "V-Word" back is not on your priority list. But take the time to get closer. Risk discomfort. Be embarrassed and proud at the same time. Maybe even join me at a V-Day celebration, February 14th, 2009. It is an inclusive holiday--bring your date and be ready to see the world differently.
I am embarrassed to say that I am 31 years old, college-educated, a wife and mother but had not read (or seen) this play until this holiday weekend. I lived in New York City when the play gained momentum but did not see it live. I am ashamed that I let some part of my brain wonder if I could handle the contents of this play and questioned if it even applied to me. I am disappointed that I didn't know how to respond to adults in academic circles who told me they thought the play was offensive. I had chances to influence people but I missed them. I am embarrassed, but only a little because...
I am proud to say that I am 31 years old and I have just read The Vagina Monologues. I can speak with confidence about the material for many years to many people of all ages. I want to reach out and talk to the people who fear this play and "resist" the activity surrounding this play every Valentine's Day. I am so relieved that the other part of my brain--that bigger, stronger, curious part that made me bold enough to check it out of the library--is satisfied. I am proud I made it a priority to sit and read this book, especially with family bustling around to witness my reading it, before and after our Thanksgiving feast. I am proud that I joined the V-Day list to know about events in 2009. I am excited to become a part of the community.
And then there is my confusion. How did this happen to me? I am worldly-enough. I am a progressive, grassroots kind of girl. I am a birth activist and did not know there is a monologue about birth. How did I not get swept into this movement before today? It is true, the material is slightly off-topic to the issues I spend most of my time supporting: informed childbirth, breastfeeding, alternative education. I wonder if it was assumed I knew the contents of this play, as if it were a basic prerequisite to my interest in women's health and motherhood. It is like I skipped "Modern Feminism 101" and dove right into the 300-level subject matter. And it is from this perspective that I return to embarrassment.
Why embarrassment again? Women and men in the middle of 300-level "life" subject matter can talk to each other. Women who breastfeed their babies have friends who formula feed their babies. Hospital-birthers can hang out with homebirthers and they can get over their differences. Teachers and parents of children in various school settings can get along, possibly even share a bottle of wine and learn from each others' choices. They may not be soulmates, but they can enjoy each others' company. They seem to understand the word "preferences." They understand that they agree on most things while disagreeing on only a few things. So I am embarrassed that we have not talked about bridge building more when it comes to things like The Vagina Monologues. Why is it that when we see a source of public confusion, do the bridge builders not come out of hiding for a few days to do some healing? Are there really too few of us? I refuse to believe that.
One thing I feel is commonly agreed upon is this:
"How crucial it is for women to tell their stories, to share them with other people, how our survival as women depends on this dialogue." Eve Ensler, TVM, pg. 98.I see many women today taking sides. The attention The Vagina Monologues gets from conservative and religious groups proves this. I challenge women out there to not fall for it. First simply immerse yourself in the material you fear. No matter if it is Intro 101-material or Advanced 300-level material...read and then speak. Please do not speak out before talking to at least one person from the "other side." At least attempt to understand how the other side sees its case. Try empathy. Rethink that old "Beat 'em, join 'em" adage into "Join 'em and educate 'em." Stop worrying about "beating" them and winning some war that perhaps the other side doesn't even understand. Let yourself consider what it might mean to your support system to "switch sides"--perhaps reveal there were no sides in the first place, besides that of humanity. Now you can be a messenger. A bridge-builder. A healer.
Yes, you will find empowerment language and very sexual themes. It is true, taking the "V-Word" back is not on your priority list. But take the time to get closer. Risk discomfort. Be embarrassed and proud at the same time. Maybe even join me at a V-Day celebration, February 14th, 2009. It is an inclusive holiday--bring your date and be ready to see the world differently.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
A Third Wave Feminist Mother on Modern Work-Life Possibilities
While looking for essays on Third Wave Feminism, I found this article by Martha Rampton, a professor of history and director of the Center for Gender Equity at Pacific University. She states:
My MIL describes a time when she was treated like an outcast when she told women she stayed home with her children. How could have these women done this to her? Or was it mostly in her head given the media focus of Second Wave feminism? Women today are joining groups like MomsRising, The Mothers' Movement, Activistas, and the Holistic Moms Network to name a few. NOW has a Mothers Matter, Caregivers Count campaign that I believe needs much more media attention. Recently on Facebook I was invited into a "Circle of Moms" and Yahoo has a Parenting section within its recently launched Shine hub-for-women site. Needless to say, becoming a mother does not mean you drop out of society. Actually, there is even more "society" available once baby comes.
Third Wave feminists are not arguing the merits of working vs. homemaking. The question I struggle with is how we work when children are also a huge part of our lives. This goes for men too, no doubt about it. But since women face pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding, how can we get them the information they need before they face important decisions for themselves and their families? I began volunteering in the childbirth and breastfeeding communities because I see women from all demographics making less-than-informed choices in a world seemingly overflowing with information. I think the same lack-of-information problem applies to women trying to make smart work-life decisions.
Recently I started reading books like Creating a Life and Off-Ramps and On-Ramps because I think about re-entering the labor force.* I am thrilled to see huge corporations adjusting their policies to retain top talent. I see women (and men) challenging workplace norms here in Charlottesville too.
Is this message being received by the women a decade younger than I am? I am not so sure. I think many women think they will enter a work environment that is not subject to negotiation. Many may wonder if the issues of the Second Wave are what they should roll up their sleeves and get ready to fight. They may not witness negotiations during their first years on the job and this may color their perspective of what is feasible.
Know negotiating a balance that works for you is possible--men and women are adjusting their schedules all the time. When the time comes for you to switch things up, just ask! And if you don't know what to ask for, write up your perfect schedule and ask to discuss it with your personnel officer. Now remember, the HR executives may not be products of third wave feminism as much as you are; they may not see all the shades of grey between the in-office 40+ hour work week and staying home with your child. If you are good at your work, I am hopeful HR will be receptive to negotiations. Once you figure things out, talk about what worked and what didn't. This will help women looking up to you pave their own way in a few years.
I want women to brainstorm what could be part of a desired dream schedule or work environment that could include babies and toddlers. You never know until you get there what will work but it doesn't hurt to think of the options. Could your 3 month old baby come to work with you until he crawls? Could you telecommute some until preschool begins? Maybe hire some care on the side for the weekly staff meeting? Or better yet, can you swap care with a friend who is in a similar position? There are many people just like you out there. Find each other and work it out.
A study published by the Pew Research Center shows part-time work to be the ideal for many women. I think feminists get this, at least in the Third Wave. I think it is time for women to feel confident in their negotiating power. They shouldn't wait for it to happen to them through public or corporate policy. Only you know how you will be at your most efficient. It is in your employer's best interest to listen to you. They are at risk of losing your talent and their resources in finding and training your replacement. It is win-win. You have the tools and the support to create the perfect balance in your life during each chapter.
Yes, I chose to stay home with my children but that doesn't mean I think all mothers should or can do as I did. I simply want future mothers to know of a newer work-life choice: it is possible to stay physically close to your children and earn an income at the same time. The role models are few, but they are out there. Make it happen and become a role model yourself.
*Note that I may not re-enter the labor force. We shall see what the future brings. The two sides of my brain are still in negotiations regarding "5-and 10-year plan" thinking.
__________________________________
Hungry for more Third Wave feminism? Here is a fantastic description of what feminism IS today from another Third Wave mother, Kim Wells.
...the third-wave's ... refusal to think in terms of "us-them" or in some cases their refusal to identify themselves as "feminists" at all.This supports what I feel is going on with mothers choosing to call themselves feminists (or not) these days. According to Rampton, the third wave of feminism began in the mid-90s. The 90s were my teen (class of '95) and college years ('99). I agree that I do not think in an "us-them" way and Rampton's description above is the feminism I feel to be contemporary feminism. We women deserve respect. We make different choices based on different life experiences. And yes, I do respect women who make dramatically different choices than I do.
My MIL describes a time when she was treated like an outcast when she told women she stayed home with her children. How could have these women done this to her? Or was it mostly in her head given the media focus of Second Wave feminism? Women today are joining groups like MomsRising, The Mothers' Movement, Activistas, and the Holistic Moms Network to name a few. NOW has a Mothers Matter, Caregivers Count campaign that I believe needs much more media attention. Recently on Facebook I was invited into a "Circle of Moms" and Yahoo has a Parenting section within its recently launched Shine hub-for-women site. Needless to say, becoming a mother does not mean you drop out of society. Actually, there is even more "society" available once baby comes.
Third Wave feminists are not arguing the merits of working vs. homemaking. The question I struggle with is how we work when children are also a huge part of our lives. This goes for men too, no doubt about it. But since women face pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding, how can we get them the information they need before they face important decisions for themselves and their families? I began volunteering in the childbirth and breastfeeding communities because I see women from all demographics making less-than-informed choices in a world seemingly overflowing with information. I think the same lack-of-information problem applies to women trying to make smart work-life decisions.
Recently I started reading books like Creating a Life and Off-Ramps and On-Ramps because I think about re-entering the labor force.* I am thrilled to see huge corporations adjusting their policies to retain top talent. I see women (and men) challenging workplace norms here in Charlottesville too.
Is this message being received by the women a decade younger than I am? I am not so sure. I think many women think they will enter a work environment that is not subject to negotiation. Many may wonder if the issues of the Second Wave are what they should roll up their sleeves and get ready to fight. They may not witness negotiations during their first years on the job and this may color their perspective of what is feasible.
Know negotiating a balance that works for you is possible--men and women are adjusting their schedules all the time. When the time comes for you to switch things up, just ask! And if you don't know what to ask for, write up your perfect schedule and ask to discuss it with your personnel officer. Now remember, the HR executives may not be products of third wave feminism as much as you are; they may not see all the shades of grey between the in-office 40+ hour work week and staying home with your child. If you are good at your work, I am hopeful HR will be receptive to negotiations. Once you figure things out, talk about what worked and what didn't. This will help women looking up to you pave their own way in a few years.
I want women to brainstorm what could be part of a desired dream schedule or work environment that could include babies and toddlers. You never know until you get there what will work but it doesn't hurt to think of the options. Could your 3 month old baby come to work with you until he crawls? Could you telecommute some until preschool begins? Maybe hire some care on the side for the weekly staff meeting? Or better yet, can you swap care with a friend who is in a similar position? There are many people just like you out there. Find each other and work it out.
A study published by the Pew Research Center shows part-time work to be the ideal for many women. I think feminists get this, at least in the Third Wave. I think it is time for women to feel confident in their negotiating power. They shouldn't wait for it to happen to them through public or corporate policy. Only you know how you will be at your most efficient. It is in your employer's best interest to listen to you. They are at risk of losing your talent and their resources in finding and training your replacement. It is win-win. You have the tools and the support to create the perfect balance in your life during each chapter.
Yes, I chose to stay home with my children but that doesn't mean I think all mothers should or can do as I did. I simply want future mothers to know of a newer work-life choice: it is possible to stay physically close to your children and earn an income at the same time. The role models are few, but they are out there. Make it happen and become a role model yourself.
*Note that I may not re-enter the labor force. We shall see what the future brings. The two sides of my brain are still in negotiations regarding "5-and 10-year plan" thinking.
__________________________________
Hungry for more Third Wave feminism? Here is a fantastic description of what feminism IS today from another Third Wave mother, Kim Wells.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Check out a NOW near you!
Do you know what your local NOW chapter is up to? I do! I am proud to report back from my first CvilleNOW meeting. Yes, it was great, and I am thrilled to associate myself with yet another group of intelligent, community-focused women.
In attendance were 8 women including myself and an equally motivated-for-change friend. Five of the remaining six women were at least 45 years old. I was the only one who brought a child (my 18 month old). The president said she came to her first meeting with her toddler too....about 20 years ago. They were all happy about the election and most seemed to have volunteered at the polls. They all appeared to be pro-choice but I loved how woman said "nobody is pro-abortion...nobody." They were living very full lives but seemed genuinely happy to carve out the one hour and 45 min meeting once a month to get together.
I did a lot of talking to introduce myself to this core group and I was so so relieved to see my audience nodding in understanding. I learned I was not the only one frustrated by what I see to be a misperception of feminism. The feminists I met tonight do not frown down upon women who leave the labor force, nor do they hate men. The word "humanist" came up. The environment was so supportive of informed decision making and we touched upon how the debate about one very important choice seems to prevent women from coming together on so many other very important choices we must make in our lives.
We also discussed:
If you are a woman looking to get involved in this country, NOW is a great place to start. Here is their official purpose:
In attendance were 8 women including myself and an equally motivated-for-change friend. Five of the remaining six women were at least 45 years old. I was the only one who brought a child (my 18 month old). The president said she came to her first meeting with her toddler too....about 20 years ago. They were all happy about the election and most seemed to have volunteered at the polls. They all appeared to be pro-choice but I loved how woman said "nobody is pro-abortion...nobody." They were living very full lives but seemed genuinely happy to carve out the one hour and 45 min meeting once a month to get together.
I did a lot of talking to introduce myself to this core group and I was so so relieved to see my audience nodding in understanding. I learned I was not the only one frustrated by what I see to be a misperception of feminism. The feminists I met tonight do not frown down upon women who leave the labor force, nor do they hate men. The word "humanist" came up. The environment was so supportive of informed decision making and we touched upon how the debate about one very important choice seems to prevent women from coming together on so many other very important choices we must make in our lives.
We also discussed:
- the HPV vaccine lecture CvilleNOW recently sponsored
- helping local women facing decisions about unplanned pregnancies
- pro-choice day in Richmond
- a possible local descrimination lawsuit
- library displays about women in local history: one targeted to adults, one to children
- interesting things that came to the PO Box
- my professor for my Sex Differences class
- the various women's groups on my radar and my desire to connect them
If you are a woman looking to get involved in this country, NOW is a great place to start. Here is their official purpose:
NOW is the largest, most comprehensive feminist advocacy group in the United States. Our purpose is to take action to bring women into full participation in society — sharing equal rights, responsibilities and opportunities with men, while living free from discrimination.
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